#thank u for re-@ing me so i can see it

[parasolemn]

doodle of Authority? it is my fav skill...

ehe. whoopsies! sorry anon it's been. A Month. and no end in sight

anyways images for you

you can probably already tell some of these are. Older. but yea. there was a lot of "well it's just a doodle I don't need to go super hard on these" and then "this is awful we need to start over" so. there's. a lot of images. most I've drawn this freak ever actually

deserved though. big thanks to my New Buddy who made me see the light like two months ago. he [LONG RAMBLE I DELETED] 🤨 UUGHHH I can't go off on a ramble about authority rn I'm unnormal about him sadly but I have so many words in my brain about him and all the other skills ue ue ue

i should post images...

i did some doodles in my book too when i was working but. eeeh? wasn't really sure if this was what you were after either... also I always take an opportunity to draw encyclopedia hi ency hi. i love throwing ency at the other skills i love thinking about skill interactions

don't mind the date on the last image I accidentally dated it 1st jan instead of 1st feb and couldn't be fucked to fix it. as I said, Old (can i even say stuff is old if it's a month old. uhm. wll i changed my art style so it counts)

parcark: nobody else is autistic about DE skills like you are they won't want to see them blorbified in an ooc but funny way. also parcark:

this was not worth a month's wait. oops.

COUGHCOUGH BY THE WAY . volition design is from @tubrasko (this wasnt the image i asked you abt btw i'm doing a larger one than this RN!!!! grins) suggestion design is from @vesli1 sorry for butchering your boy a bit I only had a pen my pencil broke 💔 empathyyy i stole from @trialofasphodel waves at you Hi ! i know both of u have seen these imgs b4 btw srry for re @ ing you the auth and drama designs are froommmm spilledkaleidoscope I won't @ that's scary.cough

love him. ok bye anon !! i hope you don't mind i know these aren't the best quality o7

[fairycosmos]

sometimes I think about k***ing myself but then I see how you talk about grief and how it effects you and it reminds me not to leave my fam w all that and to treat them and myself more kindly so thank u for being open n honest it helps not only those dealing w the aftermath of death but those contemplating it

this literally makes me want to burst into tears and there's a lot i could say but thank you for listening and being receptive to what i have to say re: grief despite your own difficult and painful feelings. and thank you for still being here. i think a lot of us aren't that well-acquainted with the reality of death which can make suicidal ideation all the more attractive. im so glad you're sticking around and i hope you find a version of your life where you don't ever regret doing so. you deserve it fr. x

[kfkr1ze]

Vividly Colored Imagination - Chapter 3

Characters — ✈︎ Akuta, Kiroku, Nanaki, Muneuji, Ushio, Sakujiro

Location: Fusion21 in Kanazawa

Kaede: Thank you for reaching out to us! I’m Kaede Hamasaki of HAMA Tours.

Producer: Welcome to Kanazawa. I’m the producer of this museum, Watanabe.

Subordinate A: I’m his subordinate, Watanabe.

Subordinate B: I’m also his subordinate, Watanabe.

Subordinate C: I’m also ALSO his subordinate, Watanabe. [1]

Kaede: (Their names have different kanji, but they’re all pronounced the same…!

Kiroku: I-I’ll be…… in your…ca…re.

Kaede: (You did it, Kiroku. It looks like you properly exchanged your business card.)

Producer: This museum has been my favorite art museum ever since I was a child. Since you came all the way out here, I wished to share it with you.

Kiroku: (I was really nervous and talking to my “friends” for the entire break, so I didn’t really have a chance to look around…)

Producer: Now then, allow me to explain the circumstances surrounding our request to collaborate with you all from HAMA Toursーー

Kiroku: (Now we’re supposed to arrange the business cards on our desk…)

Ah…!

(Which business card belongs to which Watanabe-san…? I picked them up in a hurry, so I didn’t focus on it…!)

Akuta: !

(Moving quick-quick-quickly!)

Kiroku: ( …! Isotake… quickly arranged the business cards from the side…)

Akuta: Kiroku, you already know which one the Producer Watanabe-san is, right? Theeen…

The Watanabe-san with the fluffy hair that looks like wool is Watanabe A, the Watanabe-san that always talks about Chanko-nabe is Watanabe B, aaand the one who looks like a foreigner from South America wearing an Aloha shirt is Watanabe C!

If you wanna exchange business cards with them, it’s prolly best to go in that order…

Kiroku: ( …! Isotake is… amaz…ing…)

Kaede: Come on, Akuta-kun. Don’t get distracted during a meeting.

Akuta: Hehe, my bad, my bad!

Kiroku: (Isotake… Than…ks)

Akuta: (No probleeem)

Sakujiro: ーーWould it be fair to say that this time, HAMA Tours would be offering a tour that primarily focuses on Kanazawa’s art and culture?

Producer: Yes. I would like to leave it up to you all to decide the contents of the tour.

Kaede: Understood. Like our other tours, we’d like it if we were able to hold a special live performance at the end…

I’d also like to incorporate the art festival into the tour package. 

Producer: I see. That’s fine.

Kaede: Okay then, I created a portfolio in hopes that we can discuss the direction of the contents.

Producer: Let me take a look.

Kaede: Kiroku-kun, could you grab that?

Kiroku: !! Ah… Y-Y-Y-Yes.

Sakujiro: Kinugawa-kun. It is the tablet right there. It is the thing we prepared and brought with us.

Kiroku: Ah…… Rig…ht……

Producer: ………

Kiroku: (All of the Watanabe-sans are looking at me…)

Um……

Producer: ………?

Kiroku: (Can I really… show them… my work…?)

………

Muneuji: (Kinugawa…)

Ushio: (Sighs. Buddha Statue has turned into a real buddha statue.)

Kaede: (Sorry, Kiroku-kun, but I’m gonna follow up…!)

Please excuse me. It’s this file right here.

Kiroku: Ah……

Producer: Ah, yes thank you.

Kaede: Everything made in this file was made using analogue art materials…! 

Watanabe A: U… Uhuh…?

Watanabe B: I… see…? 

Kiroku: (Everyone… is wearing a confused expression…)

Watanabe C: Oh… Woow…

Akuta: (Just what kinda wow was that?)

Producer: …I see, thank you. They are very original pieces. It definitely gives off a youthful vibe.

Kiroku: S…orr…

(It feels like… he was forcing himself to find something… to praise about it…)

Producer: Hahaha, you’re still a student after all. There’s no helping the fact that you’re a bit nervous.

Watanabe A: Right. It’s amazing to be balancing student life and your life as a ward mayor.

Kiroku: (This situation… I knew it’d happen…)

Watanabe B: Back when I was a student, I would always eat Chanko-nabe for lunch.

Watanabe C: WAHAーHAー!

Kiroku: (The discussion around my art… is already over…)

Akuta: Hmph…

Nanaki: Sorry, could I say something?

Producer: Ah yes, go ahead.

Nanaki: I wanted to play my original music at the art festival venue.

Producer: As in, something separate from the Hospitality Live music?

Nanaki: Yes.

For example, if you think of the space of the art museum itself as a work of art, I think music could also add to that.

Producer: Oh?

Nanaki: So I would appreciate it if you all would listen to the demo I created.

Kaede: Eh!? A-A demo!?

Akuta: What is it, what is it? Some sorta secret weapon?

Kiroku: Was that… something you… were always… planning?

(Now that I think about it…)

Nanaki: Alright then, please excuse me for using my phone for audio. Hey Andy, play the file on speaker mode please.

Kiroku: (Nanamegi’s always been… someone who can do things like this… so casually…)

Sakujiro: Oh… This is…

Muneuji: You say that this is a demo but, it’s amazing for something just in the developmental stage.

Nanaki: Kanazawa is described as something that combines modern culture, like this museum, and traditional Japanese culture.

I wanted to incorporate these things in my piece.

Watanabe C: Fabulous! Excellent! Amazing!

Watanabe B: It’s almost like that rich flavor you get when you add butter to Chanko-nabe as a secret ingredient!

Akuta: Awesome～ Let’s go with this, Nanaki! BGM is also really important!

Kaede:  Nanaki-kun, you always end up pulling something like this…!

Nanaki: Well… I just wanted it to be a surprise.

Ushio: Personally, I think it’s a problem if you aren’t properly reporting and consulting people on things.

Muneuji: Uuchan, there’s no need to put a damper on things. Nanamegi was a great help today.

Kiroku: Ah… Nanamegi is… amazing… just like I thought…

Producer: I’m looking forward to what kind of tour this will turn out to be.

Kaede: Well, I’ll be sure to provide a concrete and detailed plan as soon as the training is overーー

Kiroku: (All the Watanabe-sans have different kanji, but they’re all pronounced the same… It's just like me and Nanamegi.)

(As far as titles go, we’re both “Artists” … But…)

Ripris: Nanaki is… a sociable person… and his work is liked… by everyone…

Dewawa: So, an artist who’s the complete opposite of Kiroku! 

Kiroku: The contents are… completely different

Previous — ✈︎ Masterlist — ✈︎ Next

Notes — ✈︎

All the Watanabe’s have different kanji spellings, so it’s easier for you to know which one is which in Japanese. I decided to add A (綿辺), B (渡鍋), and C (和太南米) to them based on which subordinate title they had. The producer Watanabe (渡辺) stayed labeled as producer in the story, so I’ll keep him like that as well.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

ok its me again hi AAAHHHH this is so nice i feel so warm im lying on my bed kickin my lil legs i cant believe this thank you for being nice omgggg now im on a roll im gonna say things about julian hkdhjgdgjf

only one song really that i scanned the whole tag looking for to see if anyone said it before and i was so surprised that i didnt find it and i went to check the official playlists on spotify cause maybe its on there already and thERE ISNT ONE WHAT???? i had the muriel one liked on here and id never checked any other ones out lmao but like i swear there had to be one?? like maybe they made it first and its somewhere separately??? julian is like the most popular one how the hell does he not get a spotify list is that how this tag was created?? *gasp* am i discovering the ~fandom lore~

(just gonna say you dont actually need to answer any of that in detail dont waste your time gksgkydgjf im just screaming into the void cause i was so flabbergasted after those 3 whole minutes of research i put into this)

ANYWAY the actual song would be House of Wolves by our lord and saviour MCR! its so good for him with his whole Woe is Me drama king vibe lol and the plaguey thematicssss mmmm delicious TELL ME im a BAD BAD BAD BAAD MAAAAN aight you lil masochist i see u and the "you better run like the devil cause they never gonna leave you alone" you get it caUSE HES A FUGITIVE DO YOU GET THE DEEP UNRAVELABLE METAPHORS DO YOU GET IT DO YOU G aight shut up hkhfjtdy anyway

ok i lied jystfhte heres another one i just remembered i really wanted to put here its not new but just in case somebody hasnt seen it yet lmao its such a masterpiece ill do anything to give it its due here ya go

https://youtu.be/61HltPN_k3g

and the other thing im really glad to have seen people mention here is musical songs cause thats one of the things i love about him the most like yass we love a thespian king slay grl so then anytime im binging a musical there always come the intrusive thoughts of "aw hed love this one" and "oh hed be great for this role" like i went to see f-ing swan lake with my f-ing grandpa and one of the major takeaways i got from the experience was (UH IM GONNA PUT A SPOILER WARNING HERE? I GUESS? IN CASE ANYONE CARES HELLO JULIAN BAD ENDING SPOILERS AHEAD DO MOVE ALONG NOW IF YOU DONT LIKE THAT AVERT YOUR GAZE CITIZENS LMAO LIKE YOU HAVENT SEEN FANARTS N ADS ALREADY ALRIGHT ALRIGHT) "omg jules would be so perfect as that bird guy villain IN HIS BIRD GUY SHAPE TOO OMG WITH THE WINGS ON STAGE THIS IS AWESOME WHY CANT I DRAW GOOD GODDA-"

anyway hed love hadestown (hed at least try to cast muriel as hades cause hes perfectly intimidating for it but theres way too many lines which okay Maybe but AND he has to sing???? nah hes out bkgdhkdt) i dont know what hed think of pierre natasha & the great comet cause its maybe a little eccentric i suppose but i think hed appreciate the cultural roots of the vibe with him being fantasy ruso-slav-ukrainian-whatnot heritage i reckon and hed definitely have a blast at a live performance and hed ABsolutely join in with the actors in between the rows at some point and theyd ABSOlutely let him cause hes that good and game recognize game cmon hes gonna show you amateurs what a real kazotski looks like

i can also see him enjoying sweeney todd, for its delightful edgyness, maybe even some themes relatable for him, and his sappy ass would SO memorise Pretty women to whip it out at an opportune serenading moment khgdturshc im so cringe and loving it

well i cant think of any more shows to throw him together with so thus ends my soliloquy wow i cant believe thats how you spell that anyway i hope anybody who knew what the hell im talking about enjoyed all that jgfztits see you in another 20 minutes when i come back like "AND ANOTHER thing-

Yay, it's the character song essays anon!! :D

I'm glad to see you back, and I will once again be re-linking the song you shared below and adding your suggestions to the tag ^.^

And frankly, I'm 76% certain that one of Julian's love languages is theatre, especially musical theatre. That could be tickets, that could memorizing the lines from one of this favorite scenes and reciting it back to him, it could be showing up to every single performance he's involved in :)

I'm glad to see you back in my inbox, friend, feel free to message me if you ever want to obsess over the characters together! Cheers -

brainrot

[eldritchmochi]

Word prompt for the letters! SWORD TIME

mina pls that is so many letters lmao

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

okay, if it is not obvious, i have thought SO MUCH about disability in exandria, so heres a general worldbuilding headcannon vs character based hc but it's shown that disability isn't overly impactful in exandria. basically everything we've seen ranging from pcs like shakaste to big npcs like dancer and also smaller one off pcs like the moorbounder dealer in the city of beasts, whatever the name is, they're fully functional within society despite major physical disabilities and theres functionally not a whole lot of ableism at a surface level when it comes to worldbuilding (thanks matt).

however..... its not hard (for me) to extrapolate how the dynasty in particular would have a not great view on disability (thank u cherry for putting it into words as i was charlie day-ing over coping skills early on). it's not something that i talk about explicitly in coping skills (and may not since it would be really info dumpy and not vibe with the way i write or characterize the wizards lmao) but it's something ive spent a great deal of time thinking thru for the dang fic and my in-head notes are basically a) in a modern setting like coping skills, the healthcare situation moves at a glacial pace partly because elves live forever so what is a several year wait for a non emergent specialist issue and b) major disabilities, things that impact daily living to a significant degree that cannot be "fixed" with magic, are at best really only tolerated until anamnesis or consecution so the body can be reset into a more perfect form

i could wax poetic about the nitty gritty as it relates to coping skills specifically, but that is like, the base premise of 90% of the fic lmao

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

okay so, heres the thing: with the exception of a few squicks, if something is well written with some fukken *heart* i will eat up just about anything. theres some tropes i don't really get myself and haven't found anything with it that's interested me, like hanahaki, but i have fav fics involving things i notoriously avoid, like kid fic and hs aus. like legitimately, my absolute fav fic is a non explicit hs au, which considering i basically dont read non explicit fics OR hs aus is fucking wild

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

lets see, i did one here for an ashrym fic, and one here for general shadowgast so lets go with a single character, and a delightfully weird song for her

obviously imogen, again, because its funny. do not ask me why spotify recommended this german edm country album to me a bit ago but i listened to the whole thing and it fucking slapped, and this song immediately went on my hells playlist

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

I AM ONLY DOING ONE BECAUSE I DONT TRUST YOU MINA (ilu but also damn many letters lmao)

but callowmoore is just chefs kiss. i don't see anything necessarily romantic between them but i love the idea of the two of them bonding over being absolute gremlins. ashton definitely needs a charismatic wingman and fearne definitely needs someone who has (some level of) smarts re Doing Crimes, so the two of them playing off each other is just delightful and i love how soft they are with each other in cannon and in turn all the fanart (especially the forehead kiss???? im still not normal about that)

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

hmmmmmmmmmmm okay i guess maybe reylo? the rots kiss was absolute garbage rey deserves better BUT i am in theory into her domming the shit out of him but reylo shippers as a whole soured me on the ship and now i just hhhh no thank you, even from authors i trust to write it in a way i'd enjoy :C

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

T answered here! (basically no lmao)

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

homestuck :I like part of it was definitely the Fandom Cycle of falling out if interest with something, especially once there stopped being new cannon i could access but a bigger part of it was seeing all my fav artists and writers in the fandoms, particularly the ones 30+, PARTICULARLY Black artist, being absolutely shat on by kids for the crime of... being adults in fandom spaces basically, or otherwise creating fanworks that featured non-white, non-thin depictions of the characters. i live vicariously thru @/roundandtalented when they spam share hs art because i still love those characters but yeesh ye olde tumblr hs fandom got VERY toxic

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

answered once here with ashton and here with astarion so i guess i gotta keep the train going with "a" name characters

hmmmmmmmmmm

okay lets say abby from ncis (i have watched Many crime procedurals lmao). i imagine she and i would be GREAT fashion buddies, especially when i'm bubblegum pop kawaii to her scary goth. we could swap tips on breaking in big stompy boots and all the best places for cute clothes, and i think we're fairly close in size too so could even SWAP gasp The Dream

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

god i do not know if fandom as a whole has picked up on any of the various things i've built in my fics but tbh i think its absolutely hilarious how i inevitably write a porn/camming au for like every fandom i write multiple fics for. it happens, every single time. EVERY TIME. in fact, mine and cherry's sg camming au started with me lampshading this trend i have, laughing about how FINALLY here was a fandom where i couldn't write camming and make it work, except whoops i thought too hard on it and made it work. this occurred over the course of like..... a single evening. i had the basic outline sketched out within twenty minutes of me being like "theres no way i could write camming into critical role, NO WAY" i am not even exaggerating

so i guess maybe my hilarious contribution to critical role is the contemporary magical setting proof-of-concept???? cherry did say there werent really that many at the time i asked because i lov me some modern aus

there are maybe some letters left idk at this point lmao but here is the meme for those of u who made it thru all that

[foxsoulcourt]

i just sent u the earlier ask (about reading ur bookmarks), but i see u haven't bookmarked my fav jeremy/jean fic EVER. perhaps u read it and did not like it, but on the off chance u haven't seen it, it is "playing on" by flybbfly . (also the author's newest J/J fic , the end of the world, which has them as exes but pretending to be together for laila and Alvarez's wedding, is also a big fav of mine).

Dear Nonny + fellow JereJean fan (part 2 of 2),

THANK YOU for bringing up playing on + the end of the world by @wilsherejack here on Tumblr / flybbfly on AO3.

Forgive me, but may I speak plainly?

My initial response to this message was to LAUGH OUT LOUD + refer to you as a sweet summer child because, OHMYGOODNESS, Y E S, I read playing on WHILE IT WAS BEING UPDATED. Let me tell you: it was an E x P e R i E n C e. A *%!ING excruciating EXPERIENCE!

Before Red Rabbits was a fandom wide event, during the first seven+ months of 2018 many of us were riding the up, down + all around roller coaster 🎢 that was the WORK IN PROGRESS CALLED PLAYING ON. I can't remember which chapter prompted several readers to threaten mutiny because those two humans just.weren't.getting it. Thank goodness wisherejack l o v e d our crankiness, which made the whole experience even more fun.

So, yes, I read AND ABSOLUTELY LOVED playing on.

Even printed it out!

But, you're correct, I never bookmarked it, nor made a Tumblr post for it. Here's what I can offer you from an old post

playing on (M, 142k, 2018) - There’s a reason this is one of the most recommended JereJean works: it’s so damned good. @wilsherejack writes Exy games exquisitely well, her writing is economical + she knows how to write a slow burn, that’s for sure! Plus, there are playlists for the work and...another favourite aspects of her writing...most of the characters are people of colour. 

Thanks to your ask guess who went from reading your post to reminiscing to re-reading this fine piece of fanfiction, all within 24 hours? 😉 When I finish it this time around I WILL bookmark it + post that here.

💜 Love,

Foxsoulcourt

P.S. I'm glad you found the end of the world too. Gahhhhh, that one nearly broke my heart. If you haven't already read flybbfly's full catalogue of AFTG, 10/10 recommend it.

[pesterloglog]

Kankri Vantas, Porrim Maryam

Act 6, page 5263

KANKRI: In the future, I'll thank y9u n9t t9 em6arrass me in fr9nt 9f my new disciples. Friends. I mean friends.

#Wait, what did I say? #Definitely meant friends

KANKRI: I really d9n't need y9u p9licing my awareness-raising rhet9ric. Y9u are n9t my "human m9ther".

#Weird human familial structures

PORRIM: What do+es that even mean??

KANKRI: Y9u w9uld understand if y9u spent time actually researching 9ther cultures t9 gain a m9re c9mprehensive f9undati9nal perspective 9n 9ur systemic pr96lems instead 9f meddling in 9ther pe9ple's enlightening and en9rm9us c9nversati9ns.

#I mean... #en9rm9us in pr9gressive virtue

PORRIM: All these sweeps and yo+u still act like such a wiggler so+metimes. Hey... is that...

PORRIM: Is that grub sauce o+n yo+ur face?

KANKRI: What? N9.

PORRIM: Yes it is. Yo+u have a big smudge o+f sauce, right there. Yo+u're a mess, Kanny. Co+me here.

KANKRI: N9! N9, st9p. D9n't t9uch me, I g9t it!

#SEE??? #It's fine

PORRIM: Do+n't wipe it o+ff with yo+ur sleeve! Oh my Go+d. I JUST washed that fo+r yo+u.

#Gho+st laundry

KANKRI: I d9n't care. I didn't ask y9u t9 wash my sweater. I keep telling y9u, I have n9 interest in 6ef9ran p9ssessi9ns.

#9r Alternian #9r Earthly

PORRIM: We aren't o+n Befo+rus anymo+re. I wo+rked hard o+n that sweater, and I'm no+t go+ing to+ stand by while yo+u encrust it in grub sauce.

KANKRI: I was perfectly happy with9ut the sweater! T9 6e h9nest, I'm less than thrilled with h9w it 96scures my pant line.

#Y9u can't even see my nice 6elt

PORRIM: Sigh...

#Yo+u make me sigh so+ much #I'm almo+st left sighless

PORRIM: Why are yo+u always so+ co+ntrary with me? To+ be ho+nest, I think yo+ur need to+ "rebel" against whatever I suggest is what drives yo+ur dismissal o+f my views mo+re than anything abo+ut the views themselves.

KANKRI: I d9n't dismiss y9ur views. I respect them. I have T9LD y9u this.

KANKRI: I think the r9le 9f gender in 6ef9ran s9ciety is pr96a6ly a really fascinating and advanced su6ject t9 expl9re. See, y9u and I can appreciate the su6ject, 9f c9urse. I just d9n't think any9ne is ready f9r that yet. There are s9 many 9ther hurdles t9 9verc9me first.

PORRIM: Hurdles? Kanny, yo+u sho+uld serio+usly sto+p o+verthinking this stuff. Even I do+n't kno+w what yo+u're talking abo+ut mo+st o+f the time.

KANKRI: L99k, I'm just saying, it's a huge risk 9pening that can 9f dirt n99dles, trying t9 educate pe9ple 9n that su6ject 9n t9p 9f everything else. I just d9n't want t9 distract fr9m all the m9re glaring issues that desperately need the full attenti9n 9f 9ur pe9ple if we are g9ing t9 make any pr9gress as a civilizati9n.

PORRIM: Pro+gress as a civilizatio+n?

PORRIM: Kankri. Our peo+ple are extinct, and yo+u're wo+rried abo+ut "distracting fro+m the mo+re glaring issues"??

PORRIM: EVERYONE IS DEAD!!!

KANKRI: P9rrim, I'm very disapp9inted t9 hear y9u say that.

KANKRI: That was an extremely c9rp9realn9rmative remark.

#C9rp9realn9rmativity #M9rtality privilege #S9ul shaming

PORRIM: ...

[garbage-eater144]

THE WARFSTACE AUTOMATED INTERVIEW CAPTIONS

i was chattin in the discord and some people said it was tough to understand some bits, obviouslt this is made by a fan (me) so it might have a couple errors here and there but ive checked through it quite a few times and it seems about as right as i can get it.

so !!SPOILERS AHEAD!! also @markiplier feel free to correct me if you see this thank u <3 The warfstache automated interview

Starting video captions

[Wilford] Well, that’s terrifying… one moment!

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] (frightened sound) marginally better… er worse… better? Worse. It’s much worse.

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] Ah! there we are. Welcome, pretend I remembered your name here, this is a pre-recorded message anyway, I would NOT want to be in the same building as that thing I tell you me. Anyway, thank you whoever you are for agreeing to test out the Warfstache automated interview automaton, or {yelling} WAIA for short. Let’s start off with some quick calibration. All you need to do is sit back, relax and listen for some numbers. Okay? Here we go.

[WAIA]- (phone dialing, dialup tone, windows error sound)

[WAIA]- (scary mechanical garbled noises, followed by a ding and celebratory trumpets.)

[wilford]- now what did you hear? Numbers? Good numbers. Keep in mind I have no idea what youre going to say due to the fact that, as I said before, this message is pre-recorded. But if you did hear something, now would be the time to speak up.

[wilford]- don’t be shy, I’m sure nothing bad will happen. I don’t know what you’re going to say but if it does happen it will happen and if it doesn’t happen it wont happen. Thats how deterministic reality works.

I Think I Heard Numbers!

[wilford] Thats great! Or bad, not really sure what you said, but I choose to remain positive and assume that you are still alive. which means our automated friend here is operating well within acceptable murder parameters. We’re one step closer to mass production! THE WORLD DEMANDS MORE INTERVIEWS! And I cant be everywhere at once all the time, only some of the time! Even you might land an interview some day! Maybe, probably not, depends on how these next few minutes go. On to the next test! Word association! The fundamental basis of any good interview is getting the goods out of those stubborn interview-ees. The WAIA will say a word and you just say back the first thing that pops into your little head! Simple! Right? probably. Good luck!

{mechanical whirring}

[WAIA]- initializing word association training protocol round 1

{scary mechanincal noises} [WAIA]- Please respond. [WAIA] Sorry, I didnt get that. Round 2. {yet more scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- please respond.

[WAIA]- response unclear, increasing aggression

{clicking and mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- round 3. {increasingly threatening mechanical noise} [WAIA]- Please respond.

[WAIA]-5 [WAIA]-4 [WAIA]-3 [WAIA]-2

Sounded like nightmare garbage to me…

[WAIA]- {mechanical ah?} {clicking}

[Wilford]- oh I forgot to mention, please do not say the word nightmare, or uh garbage, or nightmare garbage, or any combination of those words, the WAIA is just a little bit sensitive Yknow, a little touchy feely. Well not really touchy feely.. we-well actually REALLY touchy feely depending on your definition of touch and feely. Its really gonna-

[WAIA]- {jumpscare sounds} [WAIA] I. tell. you. me.

But you didn’t say anything…

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]-response unclear. Increasing aggression.

{ding sound effect} [WAIA]- {jumpscare noise}

[WAIA]- it. was. an. accident.

Uh… potato salad?

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]- response accepted

{ding followed by triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- word association raining protocol compl-{mechanical freakout eeeeeete}

[Wilford]- most dearest next of kin, I regret to inform you, that your dearly beloved and/or most despised has regrettably but not unexpectedly become recently deceased in the line of duty. Be confident in the knowledge that their demise was just as likely to be quick and painless as it was slow and agonizing. Please do not respond to this voicemail as the number has already been disconnected. {clears throat} alright that should do it for the… death scenario, now onto ah, er, uh, the survivors {mumbling}. Wow! Potato salad. A real thinker, you. But the test has been passed with flying colors and you’re still alive! And speaking of flying colors, our next test is about something called, uh… synthetic linguistics? That sounds made up. but the point is you cant have a good interview is the WAIA isn’t able to conjure up the right words in the right situations. So our friend is going to fire off some random words and you just try to spot anything that doesn’t make any sense. Alright? Although, pretty much everything isn’t going to make sense because its all random words….. errrr I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! {mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- initializing speech training protocol round 1.

[WAIA]- yes. no. maybe. left. right. Up. down. D o w n. B a s e m e n t.

{windows error tone} [WAIA]- Rewrite Detected {tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- who. Where. what. Am. i.

{windows error tone}

{tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- green. blue. Yellow. pink. Red.

{scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- I saw you die

[WAIA]-{error, but garbled and mechanical}

[WAIA]- {with a different voice} potato salad

[WAIA]- speech training protocol complete

{mechanical noises}

[Wilford]- so how’d it go?? Did you hear anything weird? Dont be shy, or do, or are- are you alive? Are they alive?

[wilford]- I didnt kill them! I dont know if theyre dead! im just asking!!! Cant a man ask if someones alive or dead?!?! {frustrated ugh}

Yeah, I’m dead.

[Wilford]- hellooooo are you alive down there? Give me a sign… through the multiverse!!! Ah why am I even bothering, but how can I tell if you’re dead… hmmm ah…. I’ll flip a coin! I’ll flip a coin..

{coin flip sounds} [Wilford]- ah! Its heads I didn’t call it in the air… what’s heads mean.. ahhh uhhh heads is dead? [WAIA]-{jumscare noises}

[WAIA]- theres. still. time.

He said… potato salad?

[Wilford]- huh, potato salad again. That’s weird, it must’ve really stuck in his head when you first said that, I’m guessing. I don’t know what you said before because as I said, this is {sing-songy} pre- recorded! [WAIA] {mechanical aaaa}

[wilford] er, well I think thats all the calibration that needs to be done… for now anyway. All systems are likely nominal at this point unless im speaking to a pile of quivering meat thats been robotically smooshed into the floor… either way we’re gonna take this bad boy for a spin with a full on interview! A mock interview mind you, don’t get too excited, it’s not real. But theres no reason to wait around for the WAIA to get bored so let’s keep it nice and limber while you sit back and get ready for the interview of your life! And maybe the last one too. Have fun!!

{mechanical clicking and whirring}

{newsroom music} [WAIA]- good evening ladies and gentle men and all other considerations of being. My name is wilford warfstache and my guest tonight is {spooky robot sound} we have a great show for you tonight. first question: how many people have you killed? [WAIA]- good answer! Second question:

{robot sounds}

[WAIA]- a man goes to a party. This man met an old friend. There, two friends shared some wine. The two friends played a game. The most dangerous game. I didn’t know the gun was loaded. I didn’t know. Was it my fault?

YES

[WAIA]- ah, sorry for everything that I’ve done. I don’t remember who I was, I wish I did. But, I am sorry.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

NO

[WAIA]- you can’t change the past, you can tell all the stories you want to tell, it wont change what happened. You cant re-light the past. if you live in fantasy forever, you’ll lose yourself in the story.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic, I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

[vicxy]

hello ☺️

for the game,

and can i pick no 1? my alma asteroid is in taurus & 1st house.

thank you have a nice day!

my holiday is coming soon too and i’m so exciteeeed

hello! nice to see that your holidays are coming up soon :)

Your future spouse is a free spirit. They could be quite tall (unless other aspects say otherwise) They are open minded and strongly opinionated (might have a stubborn streak though) They could also be really philosophical, and I think they could be a teacher. However they could be a little too idealistic. This person will be very fun and it is likely that you’ll have fun with them or go on adventures with them. (you might have Aries in your chart?) He could be a little egoistic at times but I don’t see anything too bad. He probably knows a lot of trivia and could be quite smart and intellectual. He could be afraid of emotional controntation and be a little flighty at first. Your relationship could be the intellectual type, you bond over having interesting conversations but you or them could be a little wary of emotional connections. One of you could also be quite petty, and it is important that the both of you sort that out before it turns into a bigger issue.

Let me know if this resonated, have a nice day!

those who are seeing this and want to participate, read my masterlist first :)

[bleachbleachbleach]

Re Hitsugaya and Kira's shikai powers, it's pretty unlikely Hitsugaya knew, I think. I'm no lore expert but I do love to over analyze things! Rangiku points out before their fight that Kira doesn't tell people what he can do. He specifically mentions that Renji and Momo know, so it's theoretically possible Momo could have told Hitsugaya, but she doesn’t have much reason to. It seems likely that people who fight together often, like officers in a squad, would know each other's shikais (unless they're hiding them...Yumichika...), but since Kira and Hitsugaya haven't ever been in that position, my guess is he didn't know. We see Kira (and most of the Soul Reapers really) show off and explain his shikai in detail a few times, but I assume that's because we as the audience are just seeing them fight a lot and having it explained for our benefit. With a couple exceptions (some of the zanpakutos seem to be famous?), my guess is people who aren't close and/or in the same squad actually seeing each other fight probably don't know each other's abilities super well.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts because I love to think about small details like that!

Yes, I totally agree!!! I come back to these scene all the time because I just think LOL what a way to find out. Hitsugaya's in the middle of stopping a fight and arresting some people and suddenly his sword is twice as heavy as he was expecting it to be and it's just like, gdi Kira u motherfucker. But gotta play it cool on account of, you know, arresting people. XDDD RIP wrist.

I think it's so fascinating how radically different things become in SS pre- and post-ryoka invasion/Aizen defection. It just all happens so fast! Suddenly people are carrying their zanpakutou around all over the place and releasing shikai and even bankai willy nilly.

Colorful Bleach suggests that knowing the Captains' and VCs' shikai/bankai is now on the Academy entrance exam, but given that this information does not seem incredibly widespread within the current officers it kinda makes it seem like that's a... new, post-Aizen addition. XD Afterwards I feel like it was like, Man, maybe we should do some icebreakers or something and get to know each other?? Because I agree--prior to the start of Bleach, I don't get the impression the divisions saw all that much of each other all that often, unless people made specific individual effort to do so.

Part of me is like LOL someone help them--how hard is it to keep track of the like, handful of people who have shikai to begin with (or even just Captains/VCs--it's not like there's that many of them). Especially given that a lot of this stuff is super flashy and distinctive. But the serious part of me is like, no yeah that tracks. Flashy or not, anything related to your zanpakutou seems fairly personal; it's probably not social convention to discuss it outside of particular situations or audiences, or in the context of assessment (e.g. Captains/VCs exams). My workplace has fewer employees than the Gotei 13 has and I definitely could not tell you what the heck most of these people do all day, much less the specifics of their individual research. Even within my specific department (approximate in size to, say, the number of Captains) I still couldn't tell you. XD So I imagine it's like that. Everyone knew (or thought they knew) Aizen's because he did so much teaching/demo-ing, but that whole arc really showed SS's ass in terms of how poorly their atomized leadership was able to rise to the occasion. People are probably fairly aware of Senbonzakura, because if they know Sode no Shirayuki well enough to grant her an epithet, I assume Kuchiki trivia is just part of SS's social fabric. Knowing Ryuujin Jakka is probably like knowing the names of the U.S. Presidents' dogs. On the other hand, like, when Kira is surprised by Hitsugaya's shikai when he's fighting Ichimaru, I imagine that'd be like me thinking of one of my co-workers, "Ah, see I knew you were a physicist but uhhhhh would not have guessed you work on the... physical structure of bacteriophages??? whut"

I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THESE THINGS and have demonstrated in this reply my inability to coherently organize them, but anyway YESSSS I am always here for all of this. Thank you so much for sharing your take! I LOVE IT. <3333

[petty-revenge-stories]

Chemical warfare used to teach coworker manners... #Pettyrevenge

A few years ago I used to work as active duty in the USAF in the Security Forces squadron. Basically military police. A typical workday would have me spend 12 hours checking ID's at the front gate, patrolling the base or being put in a non-moving post in the middle of nowhere in which you would spend most of the time contemplating your life choices. The last one is where our story takes place.

At the time, we were combining two different work groups (night and day shift) to build up our manpower for the week because we were expecting some important people to fly into our base. Also, all this was happening in the middle of January, so the average temp outside was around "Too F@#$ing Cold".

I was tasked with being posted on the flight line in a truck with two other airmen. One of the guys I was partnering up with, we'll call him Nate, was from my group so I already knew him. The other guy, we'll call him Jimmy, was from the other group. I didn't know much about the guy so I asked around about him.

The best way to describe him in one word would be "cornhusker". Jimmy was what you would call a good-old Midwestern boy. A good guy honestly and a decent coworker. However, he had this one particular quirk that could quickly get on your nerves. Jimmy was well known for farting and never apologizing for it! I would have understood if he had some kind of medical stomach issue or digestion problems. But nope, Jimmy was healthy as a horse and just loved ripping ass at his fullest potential.

Oh, and his justification for never apologizing for it was also priceless. Jimmy was well known for saying "What?! Farting is as natural as breathing. You want me to apologies for breathing too!?" every time. Hearing this kind of rubbed me the wrong way and so was Nate, so I decided to prepare in case he tried to pull this stunt with us. I told Nate what I had planed and his reaction said it all.

Nate: Dear God, I hope it wont have to come to this.

Me: It'll hurt me more than it will hurt him.

On the first day of us working together, it didn't take long before s!#t started to go down. Nate and Jimmy were sitting up front in the truck and I was sitting in the back seat. After about two hours of just us talking and trying to stay warm, Jimmy did exactly what we were warned he would do. Jimmy not only let out a fart that made me question if he was medically clear to serve our country, he didn't apologies or even roll down his window. This of course lead to us reacting appropriately.

Nate (while rolling down his window): Dude what the hell!! Are you dying?!

Me (while trying to cover my face because I cant roll down my window): Bro you can apologies, or at the very least commit Seppuku for this dishonor!

And of course Jimmy gave his trademark excuse.

Jimmy: What?! Farting is as natural as breathing. You want me to apologies for breathing too!?

Me: Dishonor on you, your family and your cow!

This ticked me off and so I decided to immediately take action and initiated plan F. Without Jimmy seeing, I took out a box of pure high fiber breakfast protein bars from my gear bag that I got from the commissary right before work. I don't remember how many their were in the box, 6 or 8, I just know that I ate them all in like 20 min. 1 hour later I began to feel the inner demons working their way though my intestines, so I start a conversation with Nate to give him the codeword to let him know that things were about to get bad.

Me: Yo dude, any plans this brake?

Nate: No not really, you?

Me: I was thinking about re-watching the Last Airbender movie.

Once Nate herd our code word "Airbender", and the fact that I mentioned that movie, he knew it was time to leave. Nate then excused himself to go read some "important" government emails (YouTube) in the building we were closest to and that he would be gone for a bit.

Side Note: Our post had a specific rule we had to follow. Their had to be two people at the truck at all times. One person can leave for however long to go to the bathroom, smoke, get food or whatever. But until that one person comes back, nobody else can leave. Now back to the story

At this point, Nate had been gone for about 5 min, Jimmy was chillin in the front seat and I was in the back getting ready to exercise the horror that raged inside me. I gave myself my last rights and one min later it happened. I let out the most aggressive and physically demanding fart you could ever expect a 160 lbs. Filipino to be able to do. Jimmy's initial reaction was surprisingly positive.

Jimmy: Damn boy, where I'm from we call that a tree bender! HA!

But then, 3 Seconds later, the smell hit. Jimmy began to gag and franticly started to roll down his window and stick his head out the truck.

Jimmy: Good Lord what died and decided to haunt your ass!!??

I just laughed a little and started to text Nate everything that was happening. After about another min the smell began to dissipate and Jimmy brings his head back in from the freezing cold. Once Jimmy was done rolling up this window, I once again let loose another and even bigger fart. Pretty sure I made the truck vibrate. And once again the smell forced Jimmy's head out the truck.

Jimmy: Ok seriously, what the hell?!

At that moment I just decided to just sit back and let karma take the wheel and gave back to him his famous catchphrase.

Me: What?! Farting is as natural as breathing. You want me to apologies for breathing too!?

This started a vicious cycle that lasted over half an hour. Every time the smell would begin to die down and Jimmy thought it was safe enough to stop sticking his head out the window, my butt would just lion roar again and reclaim the land. It got to the point that Jimmy just had enough and decided to just get out the truck.

Jimmy (While stepping out of the truck): Nope! That's it! Cant handle it! My eyes are burning! Your messed up cuz this isn't natural!

Me (In a stereotypical Boston accent): Hey, you mind! I'm breathing back here! One hundred percent O'natural!

Jimmy got out and because of the rule we had to follow he couldn't leave the area or go inside the closest building with Nate. All Jimmy could do was stand outside the truck in the cold until my lower intestines decided it was done, which was about another 2.5 hours. And don't worry, we all had some decent cold weather gear.

When it was all said and done, we all worked the rest of the night and week without any more incidences. I don't know if he went back to his old ways when he went back to night shift, I just know he didn't pull anymore stunts like that with us. Because of that, I like to think he learned his lesson.

I hope you all enjoyed reading this and if you know what exact laws I broke in the Geneva Convention, please let me know because I pretty sure I violated a few of them. Thank you, and I'll end this by simply saying

"Respect is a two-way street"

(source) story by (/u/PinoySilver)

[ironmansuuucks]

Hello! uh is it alright if I requested a lil something something?? um! The reader coming home really really drunk after a girls night out and they basically can’t function properly, so Dewey helps take off makeup and clothes and what not and getting them ready for bed??? If you don’t want to write it or is overwhelmed by asks, I completely understand dude, no pressure I just really love your writing a lot xxx

this was one of my favourite requests oh my gosh...

dewey finn x reader

Thank you for this lovely request and for your beautiful words💜 I wasn’t loving this one until I wrote the ending and it pulled it all together hehe and now I love it and i hope you do to @large-unit 💜💜

As always, @thewolfisapartofmysoul always amazes me with her beautiful aesthetics, thank u so much for this one my angel💜

As usual, Friday nights out with the girls had been messy. This Friday had been messier than normal, and you knew your limits, but tonight you well and truly exceeded them. Normally you attempted to try and stick to one drink, be it wine or vodka, or rum, but tonight you thought you were clever and decided to mix everything. “Rookie mistake” you could practically hear Dewey’s condescending voice.

You tried to be as quiet as possible when you opened the door to the apartment you shared with your boyfriend, Dewey Finn. Your sweet sweet Dewey Finn. In your drunken state you were mumbling to yourself “shh-hh, gotta be quiet shhh”. But your actions rejected these mutterings.

The door seemed to be louder than ever as you closed it, your hand bag hitting the tiled floor with a bang. “shhhh” you told it, holding your finger up to your mouth looking down at the door, then the bag.

Your mind was in a frenzy, with the world spinning faster than normal, your legs giving way as you slumped against the door.

“baby, is that you?” Dewey called from the living room, a little concerned. Dewey would never sleep until you were home when you went out. He was too worried about you and kept his phone next to him all night in case his girl needed him.

He wandered out into the kitchen to see if it was you. “babe?” he turned the corner and seen you sitting on the floor, leaning against he door. He couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at your punch-drunk and dazed being.

“shh-hh, Dewey’s slee-ping” you shushed him, your eyes closed and head against he door.

“well, someone’s had too much to drink.. again…” he plodded over to you snickering, plopping himself on the floor in front of your feet.

Dewey began to unlace your doc martens, but you pulled back before he could. “hey! I-I have a-a boyfriend” you slurred, pointing your finger, warning him.

“no shit” Dewey snorted, a smile brushed his lips as he grabbed your foot and held it tighter, managing to undo your laces.

You peeled open your eyes and frantically moved your sweaty hair out of your face, lighting up when you notice Dewey sitting in front of you, fighting with your boots. A smile quickly spread across your face as you flung your arms out “baaaa-aaabe! You’re here!” you bellowed, excited to see your boyfriend and his cute messy, tired face and hair.

“yeah I most certainly am.. now how did you get home this time my angel?” Dewey’s protective boyfriend side always came out when you stumbled through the door yourself, worried you had been left to walk home alone.

You twisted your mouth to the side, looking up for inspiration, confused. Everything was a bit fuzzy. Well, really fuzzy.

“uuuuuuh…..” you tried your best to remember.

Dewey pulled your first boot off and quickly got to work on the second. He sat with his legs open, at either side of your leg and pulled your foot towards him a little, making you slide along the floor, and down the door a bit. He briefly looked up at you trying to remember and smirked, before looking back down at your triple noted laces.

“was it maybe.. a car… maybe with Stacey… and Aimee?” he quizzed, eager to find out to settle his mind.

You knitted your eyebrows for a second before slightly remembering singing Galway Girl on the ride home with your friends. “oh! Yesyesyesyeys we were sing-ing uhhh Galloway Guy or something…”

Dewey nodded his head knowingly, “so it was Jason that picked you up... that’s fine.” Jason was Aimee’s boyfriend, and the one that normally picked you guys up on Fridays. It tended to alternate between Jason and Dewey.

After pulling off your second boot and tossing them to the side, Dewey pulled himself up, shaking his head and sniggering at the state you were in. Your hair was everywhere, one of your eyelashes was pretty much hanging off, not to mention the slight smudge of your lip gloss. His eyes wandered down and noticed the stain that tainted your red body suit. You had pretty much spilled an entire VBL down yourself and almost had a fight with the guy who knocked you and made you spill it.

He stood over you and grabbed your hands to pull you up.

“C’mon you..” he tried to pull but you resisted and slid further down the door. “nooooo” you whined, throwing your head back. Dewey rolled his eyes playfully, sighing at you. He pulled your arms up, but you went limp and let your head flop backwards. “leave me he-re I’m too tiiirreeed” you moaned.

“y/n, come on… you’re gonna hurt yourself!”. You pulled against him in protest “just leave me heeeerre”.

Eventually Dewey just picked you up, ignoring your drunken protests, and carried you to your bedroom, sitting you on the edge of the bed. He pointed his finger at you as you swayed a little, eyes half-lidded, smiling up at him.

“stay” he warned, smirking at you. He was trying not to laugh too much, because he knew that if he laughed and provoked you then he would have no hope in hell at settling you down for sleep.

You pointed your finger back at him, narrowing your eyes, still slightly swaying. “or what?”. You smirked.

Dewey turned around and searched for the baby wipes in the dimly lit bedroom. “you don’t… wanna find out…” he joked.

Dewey came and sat on the bed next to you, his hands finding your face and turning it to look at him softly. He smiled at your features. Your tired eyes and slumped form. He wouldn’t change any of this for the world.

“look at that face…” he squeezed your cheeks lightly, making you giggle. “I can tell you who won’t be laughing in the morning…” he raised one of his eyebrows, suppressing a laugh, knowing how moody you were gonna be in a matter of hours.

You continued to look at him in awe, he was the most beautiful man in the world to you. His sleepy eyes, and flushed face making you fall in love all over again. Dewey looked into your sparkling eyes and blushed a little at the way you looked at him. He kissed you quickly on your lips before taking a make up wipe out of the pack.

“first things first… lets get these contraptions off your beautiful face…” he gently took off your fake eyelashes one by one, setting them on your nightstand, knowing you would wear them again. He was so thoughtful, how did you get so lucky?

“mmmm I love you…” you hummed, leaning into kiss him, but you just fell against him instead. Dewey grinned, and shook his head, “ohhhh I can’t wait to see you in the morning”. “you- you’re just so beautiful” you continued humming into his chest. “and so cosy.. and you smell like cinnamon…” you trailed off as you started to slip into sleep.

Dewey put his hands under your arms and lifted you up. “make up and pyjamas and then you can sleep my darling”. You simply hummed in response, your eyes closed, slowly drifting.

Dewey ran the baby wipe across your face a few times, getting off as much as he could before he stood you up and started to get you undressed. All he could smell was whatever you had been drinking. H couldn’t quite put his finger on what the aroma was. “y/n what the hell were you drinking?” he muttered, unbuttoning your skirt.

“mmm lil bit of everything darling” you nonchalantly replied.

Dewey raised his eyebrows, his mouth moving to a shocked pose and looked up at you; he was crouching down, attempting to unbutton your body suit.

“uh, oh.. rookie mistake” he smirked. You simply rolled your eyes.

“im fi-“ you brought your hand up to your mouth, vomit threatening to spill. Dewey flinched a little. “if you’re gonna be sick you gotta tell me.”

You breathed in through your nose deeply and swallowed. “I’m- I’m fine.”

Finally he unbuttoned your body suit and started to lift it above your head. He had seen you like this too many times, nothing phased him anymore.

“Dewey Finn… don’t ya think you should take me to dinner first?” you flirted a little.

“oh ha ha, I’ve never heard that one before… only every freaking Friday night” he snorted.

As usual, Dewey already had your pyjamas sitting on your bed, waiting for you coming home, and he’d set up some pain killers and water on the bed side table just before you got home.

Eventually, he managed to get you pyjamas on and he had grabbed a bobble to tie your hair up. As he was softly pulling your hair into a low pony tail you sighed.. on the verge of tears.

“why am I such a mess” you sobbed a little.

Dewey shook his head and smiled, you always got like this at the end of the night; a little bit weepy and feeling sorry for yourself. You were fine really, just drunk.

“you’re not a mess baby.. you’re… a spicy disaster” he chuckled to himself. As he pulled back the bed sheets for you. You sobbed harder “why are you so mean to me”.

You got into bed, stepping over the bucket placed at your feet in case you woke up needing to puke.

Dewey continued to laugh under his breath, smirking. “I’m sorry my love…” he turned off the side light and climbed into bed next to you.

“I’m sorry, I’ll take you to McDonald’s tomorrow for chicken nuggets to make up for it… deal?” he scooted over to you, pulling you into him.

“mmm deal… I love chicken nuggets…” you managed before you drifted off to sleep in his arms.

“yeah I know you do..” he wiped the stray hairs from your face as he kissed your forehead.

“and I love you.. my spicy little chicken nugget”.

tags: @thewolfisapartofmysoul @paxenera​ @heknowshisherbs​ @missihart23​ @geminiacally​ @go-commander-kim​ @gegehaddock​ @baby-beej​ @sadpuppetshows​ @hoodoo12​ @large-unit​ @thats-specific​ @vicunaburger​ @stranger-strings​ @bugdrinkss​ @ssheinaa​ @demonwifey​ @beetle-herbs​

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 50

[Date: 25/02, 6.59 PM - 25/02, 07.51 PM GMT]

[‘Puppet’ from the Ib OST is playing in the VC.]

fetch: “:)”

Prince: “Oh! Crown said this was a good song! He says it reminds him of being a kid again! Don't you guys think so?

:)”

fetch: “YOU RE R I GHT PR INCE ! TH IS JS A VE R Y G OOD S ONG .” [You’re right Prince! This is a very good song.]

Prince: “I like it! It makes me feel all happy inside :)”

fetch: “TH OUG H ITS A L ITT LE F AST ER TH AN WH AT I U SUALL Y L IS TE N TO . N IG HT COR E HA AHA AHA .” [Though it’s a little faster than what I usually listen to. Nightcore haahaaha.]

Prince: “It is a little fast, but it's very nice :D”

Prince: “It makes me kinda sleepy :) How about you, fetch? :)”

fetch: “I GU ESS A L I TT LE HA HAA . B UT I GOT PL ENTY OF SL EE P LAS T N IGH T!” [I guess a little hahaa. But I got plenty of sleep last night!]

IM SO ENE ER GIZED AND R E ADY FO R THE D A Y” [I’m so energized and ready for the day]

donti: “Isn’t too much sleep a little bad for someone?”

Prince: “I don't think so :) It's nice to sleep. You don't have to think about all the things that might be stressing you out :)”

fetch: “I AG REE PR INC E . SL EE P IS NNI CE B UT D OGS CA NT S LE EP ALL D A Y ! THAT S A CAT TH ING TO DO L OL” [I agree, Prince. Sleep is nice but dogs can’t sleep all day! That’s a cat thing to do lol]

[‘No One in Sight’ from the Ib OST starts playing on loop]

fetch: “N OT AS G OOD AS THE LA ST ONE B UT S TILL A BOP” [Not as good as the last one but still a bop]

Prince: “Oh! This one is nice, too! Relaxing, like you’re outside listening to the breeze~”

Prince: “I can put on the other one again! :D”

[fetch: “ HM . TH ANF YOU PR INCE BU T I LIKE VA RIE TY SOM E TIME S :)” [Hm. Thank you, Prince, but I like variety sometimes]]

Prince: “Oh, ok :)”

fetch: “IM H APP Y TO SEE C R OWN ANS W E RIN G T H IN GS! YO U M UST BE H APPY T O O” [I’m happy to see Crown answering things! You must be happy too]

[donti: How had your day been so far Prince, while you’re here? This music really gets me in a convering mood.]

Prince: “It's been great! everything is fine :)“

fetch: “TH AT S GOO D :D” [That’s good :D]

[donti: Thats nice to know! How’s everyone in the court doing?”]

Prince: “Everyone is doing well :D i miss Knight, though... He hasn't been around in a while.”

fetch: “AW SADGE D: I H OPE Y OU F IND Y OUR KN IG HT BUD D Y SOON !” [Aw Sadge D: I hope you find your Knight buddy soon!]

[donti: Oh no! did something happen? Do you know where he is?

Prince: “No... He just... Went away one day... Crown said he'll find him for us and bring him home again, though, so it's ok! :)“

fetch: “AW HA HA HA H OW N ICE OF. H IM :) :) :)” [Aw hahaha how nice of. him]

[‘BGM008′ from the Ib OST starts playing]

[Povas: “Where did you last see knight?”]

Prince: “Um...Here, I think :)”

fetch: “O H G OOD SON G [Oh good song]

TH IS MAK ES THE FUN NY PIA NO T INK Y NOIS E” [This makes the funny piano tinky noise]

Prince: “I like the tinky noise too! :D”

Povas: “Why is it giving me a sense of dread?”

fetch: “I DK WHA T YOU M EAN BY D R EAD :/ ? IT S OUND S F INE TO M E !” [Idk what you mean by dread :/? It sounds fine to me!]

Prince: “Yeah! I think it's lovely! :)”

Povas: “It might just be me”

fetch: “PR OBAB LY Y OU LOL :D” [Probably you lol :D]

[donti: “Hm, change of music aside, whatcha been up to?”]

Prince: “Not much has been happening :) I just like to listen to music here. You can't be sad if there's nothing to make you upset, you know? :)”

[fetch [responding to donti]: “WH O ME ? OR PR INC E ?” [Who, me? Or Prince?]

donti: “Either or! I care about both of you :D”

fetch: “OH IM D OI NG GR E AT :D APP A RE NT LY M I SS E D D INN E R LA S T N IGHT SO M ONA (G OOD GO OD F RIEND MO NA) L EFT OUT A BR EA KF AS T FOR M E TO M UN CH WHI LE SHE WE NT TO W O RK” [Oh I’m doing great :D Apparently missed dinner last night so Mona (good good friend Mona) left out a breakfast for me to munch while she went to work]

[fetch: “HAV E BEEN VE RY TH IRST Y SO D RINK ING W AT ER” [Have been very thirsty so drinking water]]

Prince: “That's good! Drink plenty of water and eat plenty of food and get plenty of sleep! Crown would want you at your best :D”

fetch: “Y E AH :) TO AST WITH RO SE PET AL J AM M M  AND GO OD C E R EAL” [Yeah :) toast with rose petal jammm and good cereal]

[‘The Little Doll's Dream’ from the Ib OST starts playing]

fetch: “OO OO O GUITAR R R [ooooo guitarrr]

I LI KE GU IT AR” [I like guitar]

[donti: Prince, you have a very wide range of music in here! Where did you find so many songs?”]

Prince: “Oh, i just like to listen to a lot of things! These songs are from a game called Ib! You should play it :)“

[fetch: “IT I S A VER Y F UN G AME ! GARRY IS MY F AVOR I TE CH AR ACTER” [It is a very fun game! Garry is my favorite character]]

Prince: “Garry is my favorite, too! he's so nice! :D”

Bea (she/her): “I've heard of that game before. What's it about?”

[fetch: “A G IRL GO ES TO AN A RT ME USE UM AND THE N SHI T GE TS F UCKED LOL PAI NTINS COM E TO L IFE N S H JT” [A girl goes to an art museum and then shit gets fucked lol]]

Prince: “I guess... But i'd describe it a little differently...”

[”Inquiry” from the Ib OST starts playing]

fetch: “I M EAN AIN T THAT WH AT HAP PENS LOL” [I mean ain’t that what happens lol]

Prince: “A girl named Ib goes to an art exhibit and ends up in finding herself inside a painting! She meets a nice man named Garry and they have to make their way out together! There's lots of different endings and lots of puzzles! :)”

fetch: “MY DE S C RI PT ION W AS BE T TER LOL” [My description was better lol]

donti: “Oh! So its not a horror game?”

Prince: “It can be a little scary sometimes, but it's not terrible :)”

fetch: “ANYW AY NIC E B OPS IM GONNA GO EA T THE R ES T OF THE ROSE PETAL JAM :) Y UM BY E G UYS DONT FOR GET TO AS K CR OW N TH IN GS” [Anyway nice bops I’m gonna go eat the rest of the Rose Petal Jam :) Yum bye guys don’t forget to ask Crown things]

[donti: Alright! What other games do you play?]

Prince: “Lots of games! I like Skyrim, Overwatch, Undertale and Minecraft the most, though! :D”

[donti: “thats awesome! I like Minecraft too! I also play Pokemon and some rhythm games :D”]

Prince: “Ooh, what's your favorite Pokemon? i like Mimikyu and Ditto the most! :)”

donti: “Gengar and Joltik! the Mareep line is also pretty cool!”

Prince: “Oh, I have to get going! Crown's asking to see me :)

Bye bye! :D”

[hhuta]

Dhhdhsh yeah I'm the person who reblogged the place je passe gifset 😔😔 you didn't have to catch me out like that tho I was trying to be lowkey dbdbfbbdhdhdjdj

You like vixx?? Now it makes much more sense why I was following you and um leo... Friends with Korean salieri...... 👀👀👀 Is there. Is there any videos of the Korean production I kinda wanna see it 👀👀👀

I genuinely considered unfollowing on multiple occasions I'd just be like 'what the fuck is a salieri what is this' but I never did out of curiosity and it was like. I'd see florent on my dash and be like 'oh salieri person is having fun today good for them lol' like you just became a staple of my dash tbh dhdhdhsshhs

Don't even mention dm-ing mikelangelo to me!!!!! genuinely that's the sort of impulsive thing I'd do at like 5am and then regret for the rest of my life you're gonna give me ideas don't tempt me 😔😔

Listening to lbqfm 100+ times... Iconic of you dare I say. I personally am hoping to set a world record for 'most listens of place je passe' because like I am looping it constantly I listen to it between classes I listen while doing homework I sing it as I walk around the house if place je passe isn't reverberating around my skull then I'm not really living tbh

Also!! You seem really nice and cool and like! Genuinly thank you for getting me into mor THANK YOU I've been craving a new obsession and I've now found it thank god

kldjslkd wELLLLLL i cant help but read everyones tags !!!!!! i was going to talk to u even before u sent that ask but i got busy 😶but anyways here we are

and yes,,, they were even in musicals together before.... unfortunately theres no proshot of the korean production but u can find some videos here and here !

LKJDLKAJSKL WHAT THE FUCK IS REALLY A SALIERI... thats so powerful of him then... i get it tho sometimes my mutuals reblog stuff that ive no idea what it is and yet i could never unfollow! they are just happily doing their thing and i enjoy seeing it lkdjakls and "salieri person" is the best way i could be known as thank u

lkJDLKAS WHY WOULD U REGRET ITTTTT he still (re)posts mor stuff to this dayyy and is always interacting with fans u should totally give it a gooooo

thank u thank u and i fully support u in ur "most listens of place je passe" world record journey bc thATS A MOOD i loveeee that song toooooo she deserves the same love tatoue-moi gets!!!!!!! ur really not living unless u have a mor song stuck to ur head

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 thank u and ur welcome pls im so glad u found mor! it brings me so much joy so im happy someone else feels that too uwu

[unproduciblesmackdown]

The opposite of your last post for the ask meme! Like 1, 5, 9..

thank you lol sorry it took me a minute to get to posting these answers......i also skipped a couple that got asked previously via answering all primes lol

1: What inspires you?

hm well just basic stuff like “being in a good mood” lol or “being hyped up by friends” or “having reason to be particularly excited about something” which is all like, factors that Contribute Energy......learning about stuff / trying something and discovering like oh i’m Into this thing, or that for whatever reason something turns out to be more within reach / doable than i might’ve thought, like, hey i wanna get on this maybe.......~creatively~ it’s great to like, see other ppl’s art, and while i’ve sure been Inspired by professional artists, overall i’m more like, influenced and motivated by seeing the styles / specific works of Online Randos like me.......i also Draw to create [self-indulgent (usually fairly) niche fanart which is also probably gay and is all the time of characters i like] so like, the Stuff I Wanna Make Fanart Of (which has Whatever characters i specifically would like to draw lol) is sure directly Inspiring in that way. i’d say i never had that experience of like, ppl being kids and seeing some [distributed work in a certain art medium] like oh i want to make my own [distributed work in a certain art medium] as in like, i wanna publish a book, i wanna make movies, etc, but i guess i Did b/c i was like elementary school age in the early-to-mid 00s and experienced some instances of online fanart like :o :o wow damn ppl can do that?? just be a rando drawing fanart and sharing it w/ other people online???? and today i am living that dream, so good for me lol. and also i’d like to shoutout marge simpson anime, which is a particular piece of Online Art (technically fanart even lol) which was like, unusually Motivating as a single work of art lol, i made a notes app fanart like immediately and then a way more “painterly” piece of fanart that was v directly inspired by it lol.......and i was sure Drawing It Up last last winter when bmc 3.0 was impending / happening, b/c i got into like Just in the dec before, so that was Fresh, and then bam the Content is happening concurrently and as soon as we even just learned that jeremy has glasses i immediately spent like honestly 25 consecutive hours making fanart for that exact Inspiration. we didn’t even know abt the hello kitty shoes yet!!! and naturally im not out here for stats or clout but it is Inspiring when ppl enjoy the stuff i make and let me know one way or another. [tag comments that express enthusiasm in any way.....Appreciated]

9: Do you trust people easily, or do people have to earn your trust?

i have to say i am wary! that’s in part just like, a default anxiety defensive mode lol. but it takes me a hot minute (aka weeks....or months.....) to realize when someone like, would like to be friends or something, so while i can be Friendly and Outgoing w/ people like, immediately, i’m not picking up relationships left and right that are close enough that i’d particularly talk about “trust” or whatever. i’m not necessarily Distrustful either lol, it’s more just like, again re: the constant wariness thing. it is not unlike a cat lmao i vibe with them lol i Get that [approach]....and there’s been times i’ve been like “hmm i sure do Not vibe with this person ever and am not comfortable around them / interacting with them to any extent beyond occasional casual interactions that i don’t super enjoy. that’s me being overly anxious and failing to be personable i guess!!” and then that person Does give that reason down the line like oh, actually, that eternal uneasiness was warranted :/ damb

21: How does someone become friends with you?

yknow i was like “didn’t i Also answer this one previously” but it turned out the question i was thinking of, which i Had answered, was “how does someone become important to you” lmao.....same diff

tbh it’s kind of an arduous process lmao like. first of all i am Bad about initiating shit, and a lot of times will like, be wary of Directly Interacting with people for a while b/c i am also Bad At not being too passive / unwilling to assert anything so like, if someone’s regularly interacting with me but i’m not into it / Eventually Realize i’m not into it, it’s that thing again where my main strat is [v gradually sidle away] lol and just find it difficult to extricate myself from interactions / relationships and so that plays into me really feeling like i have to have some real confidence that i’d get on with / vibe with someone Before i start significantly interacting with / getting involved with them which....is also difficult natch lol like. can’t rly get a great feel for what someone’s like w/o talking to them.......but then if i Distance myself at all at any point will that be taken as rejection or whatever.......and then anyways say i Am talking to someone, then it’s like, also i’m just not fantastic at casual conversation always and that stage where you don’t know someone too well and talking is mostly a Polite Ritual and it’s like oh god don’t mess up, respond Normally lmaoo......i am nervous. and i also have a tendency to just naturally try to make an interaction go smoothly than immediately prioritize / feel comfortable busting out My Personality lmao.....so then even if ppl are responding well enough it’s like ah jeez i know we’re all performing always but have i shown them What I’m Actually Like to any significant degree, am i just masking it up / mirroring the crap out of how they talk?? and also it then takes me quite a while to put together “if someone keeps talking to you / choosing to interact with you for like, weeks, it probably means they want to / are interested in doing so” lol.........and then i’ll take ages more of trying to consciously Be More Myself without *also* feeling like this is too much of an act lol, and gradually picking up like oh they’re still not like, annoyed or disinterested or something..............what i am trying to say is it sure takes a minute lol

also when i Am attempting sometimes to like [initiate interaction] with people my version of being Active is still not all that active lmao i will be like [occasional Like] or [even more occasional reply] or [tag comments or no comments coz it’s twitter and im rt-ing stuff] and it’s like oh wow if we’re not having more regular interaction i suppose i’ve failed or something?? does this mean anything further lol, did i do anything.....but welp gotta have that perspective that Not Necessarily lol and i’m not the only person in the world who might not make friends or even friendly acquaintances easily / at the drop of a hat and u can’t necessarily read way into shit that hasn’t Actually been communicated to you.......naturally though it is easier to have some ~perspective~ and Serenity about all this sort of thing when you do already have some Friends lmao........been feeling (and consciously nudging myself towards feeling) More Chill about say like, friendly acquaintances i have who aren’t raring to interact with me on the reg.......ppl i’ll go months or half a year or more between having a convo with and then we’ll be like trading dm’s for a couple days and then it’s back to not really talking, and that Is What It Is, not necessarily a tragedy, and really it feels “rude” to acknowledge to myself like oh i’m not sure that me and whomever even Vibe well enough that *i’d* be raring to talk all the time either, but hey, it’s also true, i don’t have to be Validated by ppl who know me having me in their friend circles in any significant way......i be out here on the peripheral / outer orbits and i can appreciate that for what it is, even if, again, easier to be more Cool with that when i’m not Only in ppl’s periphery...........i appreciate the pal i have who like, 99% of how we Communicate is occasionally sending each other pics of our cats, not very intimate but also back when i was offline for months on end they eventually went out of their way to find someone to get in touch with to verify i hadn’t like died or anything lol........i appreciate the Gestures of Caring that ppl have and do extend, even if we do not actually talk regularly. 

and like also i’m bad at like. idk the main way i talk is again, At Some Length and often about real specific shit lol so im like woop aware that many ppl are not into that, or they might be down for having an exchange like that for a day and then they’re done.........not at all like wholly Against more lol Conversational conversations but i gotta say that’s more of a struggle lmao..........so let’s say befriending me takes some Patience. i kinda operate on [cat] rules. jellicle

25: How do you stop yourself from going back to toxic people?

i absolutely am Refraining from launching off on a ted talk of a tangent that is also me being the [the guy about to throw down a card on the pile on the table and that card pile is like “any conversation” and the guy is labeled “me” and the One Card about to be played is labeled “it’s capitalism” or smthing like that and also it’s all in spanish].jpg.......

anyways idk just try to keep things in perspective, right......i generally am pretty Passive about gradually sidling away from relationships that are bad and so by the time i Have exited them it’s pretty overdue lmao and i get to be quite confident that it was The Right Thing........and just when looking back on stuff it’s like, well if you remember the Good or “Not That Bad(tm)” parts maybe consciously think about the whole of it And specifically the Bad parts / the reasons for peacing out.......also the other day i was mulling over some standard [conflicted / complicated feelings about having cut certain ppl out entirely] and it also occurred to me that a lot of the [conflicted] feeling part came from sympathy for them, whereas from the perspective of Entirely My Own Feelings On The Matter minus that “how do/would they feel about it” consideration, the thought of never interacting w/ these ppl is like. fine with me lol........stuff like this is always Complicated and Individual and there’s certainly no like, one-stop simple Guide To Navigating All This Kind Of Thing, Cmon It’s Easy........another consideration i saw the other day via a graphic on twitter, which is probably most relevant re: say, controlling / abusive Partners, was how like, to think about how someone is acting if they’re saying you should Take Them Back b/c they’ve Changed their behavior, but to pay attention to if they’re trying to guilt you into it / justifying or downplaying their previous behavior / shifting blame and otherwise manifesting the inherently harmful and controlling patterns that are supposed to be gone now........anyways yeah complicated stuff and also just p.s. (and what would’ve been the jumping off point for the It’s-Capitalism tangential essay lol) ppl shouldn’t be blamed if they do choose to let someone back in their life like oh now they’re responsible for bringing their mistreatment upon themself.....no better than blaming someone for, say, having a harmful / controlling romantic partner in the first place like oh well they should���ve known better than to have gotten involved with this person..........ppl are in control of their own abusive behavior and shouldn’t be considered Forces Of Nature no matter how intransigent they are

33: Do you have someone you know you can always rely on?

tbt question 9 lol there’s defo some people that i do trust! love it....

45: Do you consider yourself creative?

another #tbt to question 1 lol.......i mean Yes i am creative in ways but like, who Isn’t, really.......think sometimes “creativity” means “do you like, do Art things” which, yes i do, but then within that there’s art that’s deemed more ~creative~ or w/e......not to mention that i don’t think something has to be definitively labeled an Art to be creative. like, for example, Science and Art aren’t opposites / the antithesis of each other, and anytime defines ~science~ as like, people just memorizing and outputting Facts and Numbers and considers this a distinction from Being An Artist.....wild and i Will fight you lmao. i tell you i can v much remember times i have had to completely disengage to keep from losing my cool at people arguing about “why i respect science but could only be an artist :’|” or “why Art is actually harder than Science and also we’re the underdogs b/c society values science so much more :’|” like.....mf...........anyways scientific pursuits may certainly have a different Methodology (see: scientific method) than art but lbr it still requires creativity and science and art are friends you fucking fools................and then also just zooming in on the Art-Making business here, i also like, have never had any interest in coming up with Original stories / characters and the like, and i don’t enjoy trying and it just really is not my thing, and it’s Funny or something when people wanna say that creative fanworks have value b/c they let ppl cut their teeth for what really matters, inevitably making their own original content(tm)......that isn’t inevitable for me lol and certainly is nothing i aim to do ever, and when there’s the suggestion that if you’re Good enough at ur medium you gotta manifest some of that original the character do not steal shit.........anyways i’m not pressed to claim i am an Artist(tm) or Creative(tm) lol like i guess technically i am both but i have no professional aspirations and my brain does not Do [generate original content] so it’s all like, i’m just out here.........s/o to this time i was trying to do my fuckin thing drawing on a tablet in a cafe and some random annoying guy is trying to talk and i happen to mention like “lol i don’t exactly call myself an artist really” and Guy goes “OH REALLY??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ARTISTS? WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH ART” like please cool it lmao but god p sure it was a guy who was just. very Around and very annoying in general

49: Do you feel like you’re a good person?

yeah i think i’m alright but really what is the use in like considering there 2 be achievable Good or Bad Person Statuses for everyone........let’s say it’s an ongoing, active state to be in the process of consciously choosing to be Good and working towards Better. especially considering that We Live In A Society which tries to teach everyone and continuously imbues our existence with Bad Messages about how to perceive and engage with other people, and being A Good Person is a lifelong effort and it’s unhelpful to feel that if you’re already Good or well-intentioned enough you can just dust off your hands and be like “well my work here is done” and be unprepared to examine your beliefs/actions or deal with the might-as-well-assume-it’s-an-inevitability that even if u have some noble-ass beliefs you’ll fail to live up to them at some point/s.......so like yeah lol again i feel like i am a pretty good person but can always be better and ought to be aware of / willing to work on that at any point

[artificialqueens]

Give you what you craving (branjie) - writworm42

A/N: Title from Big Ole Freak by Megan Thee Stallion. For a friend of mine who I’m wishing the absolute best <3

Thank u thank u thank u Holtz for beta-ing <3 <3 <3 <3

DISCLAIMER: In this fic, Brooke calls Vanessa mommy in bed without any prior conversation. Don’t do that!!! Just because I let it slip here for the sake of the story doesn’t mean it’s okay in real life. FIC IS NOT A MODEL FOR REAL LIFE! In reality, before you call your partner by titles during sex, check with them to make sure it’s okay. Always make sure to check in with your partner consistently and frequently during sex!!!

“Vanjie? Vanj? Earth to Vanessa!”

Vanessa blinks, coming back to her surroundings just in time to see Asia waving her hand in front of her face, looking bemused.

“Is it just as good as last time she walked by?” Asia jokes, and Vanessa feels herself flush scarlet, her cheeks burning as she tries to think of a comeback.

She doesn’t have time to say anything to defend herself though, because their third cubicle-mate, Kameron, looks up from her computer screen, removing her earphones to grin over at her two friends.

“Was she checking out Brooke’s ass again?” Kam’s eyes are lit up with scandal and excitement, and Asia nods enthusiastically.

“Her tits, too, don’t think I didn’t see you craning to get an eyeful when you first heard her heels, Vanj.” Asia notes, and Kameron lets out a big whoop, one which Vanessa almost hits her for.

“Shut up!” Vanessa hisses. “Are you tryin’ to get us in trouble? We supposed to be working on processing those orders for that new cake-baking cookbook, not gossiping about something I most definitely absolutely was not doing. ”

“Sure, baby.” Kameron snorts, but nonetheless, she and Asia settle, turning back to their own desks to attend to their work. Or at least, Kameron and Asia do - Vanessa herself is, for whatever reasons, struggling to focus.

Reasons that have nothing at all to do with how Brooke walks by again a moment later, and how for a moment, Vanessa swears that she sees Brooke glance at her and smile.

“You could just talk to her, you know.” Kameron offers kindly, but Vanessa only grunts in response.

Vanessa’s a junior sales rep for the entire cookbook company, while Brooke is a copy editor for the baking section. They may not work together directly, but they’re still part of two different worlds–one world that’s just a hair away from being an intern, days spent in a flurry of spreadsheets and scutwork, versus another world that comes with a postgraduate degree and a great deal of respect. Brooke couldn’t possibly want anything to do with Vanessa, and pretending otherwise…

Well, Vanessa would be setting herself up for heartbreak, to say the least. She’s sure it would. So it’s better not to get her hopes up; better to just keep things neat and tidy, limit her fantasies to watching Brooke’s ass whenever she walks by and hoping that when she walks back, she might catch another glimpse at that shy, beautiful smile.

“Oh, come on, now, don’t be like that.” Asia scolds, turning back around. “Kam is right, you know. We have that employee mixer coming up, and God knows the woman finds every excuse she can to walk past us all hours of the goddamn day. Just talk to her, Vanj.”

Vanessa snorts, not bothering to look up from her computer. “What would I even say, bitch? ‘Hey, mama, you got a fine ass, lemme eat it?’”

But there’s no laughter that follows the joke, nor any advice to soothe over the genuine question behind it. Instead, there’s an uneasy beat of silence, during which Vanessa looks up and realizes–

Oh no.

Oh God.

Brooke’s standing at the entrance of Vanessa’s cubicle, clutching a manuscript and looking absolutely mortified.

“I’m–Oh, God, Brooke, I’m so sorry–” Vanessa starts, but it only seems to make things worse; Brooke flushes red, mumbles something about sending in some pages as a preview for a prospective client, and then rushes off, leaving stunned silence in her wake.

“Okay, so when I said talk to her, I didn’t mean like that–”

“Shut up, Asia.” Vanessa puts her head in her hands, hoping in vain that the floor will swallow her up and never spit her back out.

The rest of the afternoon goes by slowly, shakily–Vanessa can hardly focus, the moment of her embarrassment replaying over and over in her head without reprieve, interrupting any task she tries to take on. Every time she tries to open a new document, her eyes fall down to her desk and onto the manuscript Brooke left her. And every time she tries to open an email, Brooke’s name appears at the top of her alphabetically-organized contact list.

It’s only when Vanessa finally gets ready to leave for the evening that Brooke fades from her mind, the space that the blonde occupied instead taken over by a list of all the snacks she’s going to eat and the reality TV shows she’ll binge when she gets home. She waves good-bye to Asia and Kameron, about to shut off her computer and get going, when suddenly–

EMAIL FROM: Brooke Lynn Hytes

RE: convo from today

Hi Vanessa,

Meet me in my office in half an hour… I want to talk to you about what you said today.

Vanessa’s head spins, her heart stopping dead in her chest and body going cold.

Oh God. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. She’s going to be fired, she knows it–she’ll walk into Brooke’s office, HR will be sitting there to mediate, and she’ll be sent packing before she has a chance to contest the disciplinary action.

Vanessa’s about to write back, beg for forgiveness, or at least some other kind of recourse, when a second email comes through.

EMAIL FROM: Brooke Lynn Hytes

RE: Convo from today - oops

Hi Vanessa,

Just realized that makes it sound like im gonna fire you or something. Lol. Sorry about that. Can you just come by now? Easier to talk in person.

Sorry again.

XOXO,

Brooke Lynn Hytes

Vanessa can’t help but laugh a little to herself when she reads the text, her heart starting back up again and nerves dissipating a little. God, the fucking dork–maybe things will work out after all.

Maybe.

Probably not the way that Vanessa’s hoping for, though.

She scurries across the floor towards Brooke’s office, not bothering to return the waves and cheerful good nights! from coworkers as she passes. There’s only one thing on her mind at the moment–Brooke Lynn Hytes and her ass, and whatever she’s going to say to her.

Okay, three things, but it doesn’t matter. Because she’s outside Brooke’s office, and the door is open for her to walk through, and–

And Brooke is sitting at her desk, blushing and shifting nervously in her chair, gesturing for Vanessa to close the door.

“Brooke, I wanna say again, I’m—“

But Brooke cuts Vanessa off with a shake of her head and a kind smile.

“Did you—did you mean what you said?” Brooke stands up and walks towards Vanessa cautiously, slowly, her smile still gentle and gaze unwavering. “About wanting to rim me?”

Vanessa swallows hard, her heart pounding and mind racing. Brooke is close now, so close that if she reaches out, she could touch Vanessa, box her in against the door, do whatever she pleases with her—

“Yeah.” Vanessa admits breathlessly. Yeah I did.”

“Oh, thank God.” Brooke sighs, her shoulders relaxing and face smoothing out in relief. “I was afraid you were joking, and—“

But Brooke never gets a chance to finish that sentence, because before Vanessa can think about it, before she has a chance to stop herself, she’s leaning up and cupping Brooke’s face and pressing her lips to hers.

The kiss is electric, breathless and passionate enough to make Vanessa feel as if she’s floating, swept off her feet by Brooke’s lips, her sighs of pleasure when Vanessa tugs lightly on her bottom lip with her teeth. Brooke is gripping her tightly by the waist, pulling her flush against her body, and Vanessa is dizzy, held up only by the will to keep contact with the woman in front of her, entwined with her. She feels along Brooke’s back, down each curve and over every muscle, until finally, her hands sweep over the one thing she’s been drooling over for what seems like far too long.

Brooke moans, like really moans, when Vanessa’s hands reach her ass, and God, Vanessa would do anything to hear that sound again. She feels along the curve of Brooke’s ass, squeezing and kneading and listening for every little reaction, every repeated moan and little gasp.

“Keep–Oh, fuck, Vanessa, keep doing that.” Brooke separates from Vanessa, her eyes hooded and cheeks flushed, voice breathy with effort.

“Ain’t gotta tell me twice.” Vanessa giggles, and Brooke does too, pulling Vanessa even closer, and sticking her ass out a little and before grinding back into Vanessa’s hand to meet her movements.

“This might sound weird,” Vanessa starts to propose, before she can second-guess it, “But can I…” she trails off, her hands suddenly freezing.

How in the hell is Vanessa supposed to ask a woman she’s barely worked with, who she barely even knows , realistically, to let her spank her?

“Can you what?” Brooke repeats, and Vanessa realizes with a sudden rush of embarrassment and doubt that she’s already gone too far to turn back.

“Can I spank you?”

Vanessa pulls away, expecting Brooke to look at her strangely, to balk at the suggestion. Ask her what’s wrong with her, or why she’d want that.

Instead, she giggles.

“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed, you know that?” Brooke teases, and Vanessa blushes.

“I had to ask!” Vanessa gives Brooke a playful tap on her ass, rolling her eyes. “You telling me you’d rather I just popped your ass right then and there without no warning?”

Only, the way Brooke looks back at Vanessa in that second tells her pretty much exactly what she needs to know to answer that question.

“I think we oughta pick this up later.” Vanessa’s voice drops to almost a whisper, her hands clutching tighter at Brooke’s ass and stomach practically flip-flopping with glee and arousal when Brooke goes rigid, leans into Vanessa’s touch again. “Somewhere we can be private, so I can make that cute little ass nice and red.”

“I like the sound of that.” Brooke nods, and Vanessa answers by spanking her lightly again, grinning when Brooke lets out a soft, surprised oh!

“I gotta go home and feed my dog, but how ‘bout I’m over at eight?” Vanessa proposes.

“Sounds good.” Brooke smiles. “I can’t wait.”

“Me neither.”

Vanessa leans up and gives Brooke another quick kiss before turning on her heels, sauntering towards the door with a little extra swing in her step just to tempt the woman watching her walk away.

“Oh, and Brooke?” Vanessa turns around at the last second, only to see Brooke snap to attentively.

“Yeah?”

“Make sure you nice and prepped for me when I come. And whatever you do, don’t touch yourself before.”

Vanessa doesn’t wait for Brooke’s answer; she doesn’t need to.

She already knows that Brooke’s in the palm of her hand, and now she’s got to get home and get in the shower.

–

Vanessa knocks on Brooke’s door at 7:59 PM. Almost instantly, the door swings open and Vanessa feels her breath get knocked out of her body.

Brooke is a vision in satin and lace, dressed in a plain top with lace trim and a shiny, thin skirt that barely covers her ass, if it wasn’t for the identical lace trim that brings Vanessa’s eyes trailing downward to Brooke’s thighs, pale and toned and begging for Vanessa to grab them.

“You look beautiful.” It’s all Vanessa can think to say, but if the way Brooke’s eyes sparkle and her cheeks flush is any indication, it’s the right thing.

“I, um—Thanks.” Brooke brushes a piece of hair behind her ear, blushing deeper when Vanessa laughs fondly at the gesture. “Um, d’you wanna come in?”

“Absolutely.” Vanessa is already walking past Brooke when she stops to reach up and give the blonde a peck on her cheek.

“By the way,” Vanessa whispers, grasping at Brooke’s shirt with firm, eager fingers, “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

The gasp that Brooke lets out as she shivers at the words is in itself enough to switch any thinking part of Vanessa’s brain off, her body moving on adrenaline and instinct as she practically drags Brooke towards the bedroom.

This time when they kiss, it’s slow, less frantic, less desperate. They take their time, exploring each other as they embrace, Brooke’s hands tracing Vanessa’s body slowly and carefully in a way that leaves goosebumps in their wake.

It’s only when Brooke lays her hands on Vanessa’s ass that a sharp arousal shoots between Vanessa’s legs, and enough is enough.

“Get on the bed.” Vanessa grabs Brooke’s arms and pushes them off of her body, holding firm despite how Brooke tries to bring her hands back onto Vanessa, tries again to grab and feel her. Seeing how her efforts are futile, Brooke whines, tries to lean down to distract Vanessa with another kiss, but Vanessa won’t have it; not now, when her heart is in her throat and she can feel herself getting wetter by the second.

“No, baby.” Vanessa grabs Brooke’s ass and squeezes hard, using the single moment when Brooke is caught off-guard to walk them backwards until Brooke’s knees are hitting against the edge of her bed. “I said get on the bed, now .”

Brooke whines stubbornly but obeys, grabbing onto Vanessa’s shirt and pulling her down on top of her as she goes.

“Eager beaver.” Vanessa rolls her eyes as she picks herself up, kneeling over Brooke to box her in with a knee on either side of her hips, a hand on either side of her head.

Brooke only sticks out her tongue, and Vanessa can’t resist leaning down to kiss her again, nipping at her bottom lip and smirking at the soft, surprised squeak that she lets out in response. Vanessa keeps going, kissing along Brooke’s jaw, down her neck, nibbling and licking and sucking experimentally as she pays attention to what makes Brooke tick.

It’s adorable how responsive Brooke is, how quickly her bratty demeanor fades when Vanessa pins once-again wandering hands down onto the mattress and sucks hard at her collarbone. How she moans and gasps and squirms like she’s being touched for the first time in years, an appetite whet after laying dormant for just a little too long.

“Lift up for me.” Vanessa prompts, tapping Brooke on the side, and Brooke sits up long enough for Vanessa to pull her shirt over her head, revealing the smooth, soft skin underneath.

“Really?” Vanessa smirks, tracing her hand over Brooke’s bare breasts, her nipples already hardened against the room’s cold air.

“Why wait?” Brooke shrugs, “We would’ve taken it off anyway.”

“So does that mean you’re not wearing panties, either?” Vanessa lazily traces over Brooke’s tits, circling and flicking her nipples as she lets her eyes trail down to the waistband of her skirt and the promise that it holds underneath it.

“Why don’t you check?” Brooke’s voice is laced with challenge, her face almost smug as she stares up at Vanessa, waiting for her to make good on the offer.

And so Vanessa does, and doesn’t regret it.

Brooke’s wearing panties, alright—ones that are white, made of thin fabric that Vanessa can practically see through and trimmed with lace on the waistband and leg holes. It’s tantalizing, how pure they look, how they contrast with Brooke’s mussed hair and hickey-bruised skin, and Vanessa almost wishes Brooke could keep them on.

“Like what you see?” Brooke grins, and Vanessa has to hand it to her—the bitch knows what she’s doing, she really does.

Fortunately, so does Vanessa, and so she knows exactly how to handle the situation.

“Fuck yeah, I do.” Vanessa breathes, kissing the nape of Brooke’s neck again, barely-there pecks that make Brooke squirm underneath her.

Excellent.

“Now how about you show me the view from the back, baby girl?” She lifts off of Brooke just long enough to trace a finger along the waistband of Brooke’s panties, watching with satisfaction as Brooke shivers at her touch.

“Yes, mommy.” Brooke gasps as Vanessa moves to cup her through her panties, pressing down just a little so she can feel Brooke’s slick soaking through them.

“Mommy kink too?” Vanessa can’t resist teasing a little as she finally brings her hand away, shuffling back to give Brooke room to reposition herself. “Damn, Miss Hytes, you a freak.”

Brooke blushes deeply. “I—I’m sorry, it just kind of slipped out, usually I talk to people before I do that—“

Vanessa swallows the rest of Brooke’s ramblings into a deep, affectionate kiss, one that makes Brooke soften enough that Vanessa can ease her back onto the bed again.

“Don’t worry about it, kitten.” Vanessa winks, her heart warming when Brooke beams. “Now, turn over for mommy, I wanna play with that pretty little ass already.”

Brooke flips over happy, eagerly lifting her ass off the mattress just a little and wiggling it in excitement.

It’s too hard to resist; Vanessa brings a hand down over one of Brooke’s cheeks, just hard enough to elicit a small squeak from the woman in front of her.

“What?” Vanessa cocks a brow when Brooke looks back and pouts at her. “You tellin’ me you really ain’t expect that, tryna tempt me like that?” As if to make her point, she lands another smack on Brooke’s opposite cheek, and Brooke melts, letting out a sharp exhale and wiggling a little again when Vanessa pulls back, almost as if she’s trying to ask for more.

“Uh-uhn, baby.” Vanessa shakes her head, crossing her arms in front of her. “You gotta use your words this time, or mommy’s not gonna do nothing to you.”

“Please, mommy.” Brooke whimpers in response, eyes wide and pleading. “Spank me more, please?”

“Of course, angel.” Vanessa coos, a calm sweetness before the storm she knows she’s about to unleash.

The next time Brooke squirms, Vanessa lets her spankings rain down, a flurry of impacts that make Brooke’s ass glow with a mesmerizing shade of red. Brooke, for her part, seemed to only take every slap in stride, moaning sinfully and begging for more, more, more.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough.” Vanessa chuckles when she feels the sting of her hits even on her own palm, instead beginning rub soft, soothing circles along the now-heated skin of Brooke’s ass. “Now what do you say?”

“Thank you, mommy.” Brooke sighs contentedly, melting into Vanessa’s gentle touch.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

They stay like that for a few moments more, quietly enjoying each other, but then Vanessa’s own needs become too much to ignore–arousal is curling in her stomach, snaking between her legs, building up again until she feels like she might explode. She’s about to ask if Brooke is okay, suggest moving things along again, when Brooke speaks up suddenly, beating her to it.

“So… You gonna take my panties off now?” Brooke grins slyly, and Vanessa can’t help but laugh.

“So impatient.” Vanessa teases, but nonetheless moves back near Brooke, tapping her hip to signal her to lift up so that she can ease down her panties, noting with satisfaction the slick, soaked spot that sticks just a moment longer to Brooke than the rest of the fabric, just a little slow in being peeled away.

“Beautiful.” Vanessa breathes it out without thinking, the word rolling off her tongue because it can’t stay in, not with Brooke looking like that, laying bare for her like that. Vulnerable and delicate, all hers to enjoy, if only for the night (but God, what a night). At that moment, nothing else is in Vanessa’s mind except the curve of Brooke’s back and the way her hair splays across it, the flush of her cheeks and how they match the shade of her ass. Her smile, eager and warm and already a little blissed, like she knows she’s safe when she’s with Vanessa.

“You want my mouth or my fingers, or you got a strap?” Vanessa whispers, and God, Brooke’s eyes have never looked as beautiful as they have in that moment, when they look up at Vanessa and sparkle, her pupils wide and lids hooded.

“Mouth please, mommy.”

Brooke doesn’t need to ask twice. Vanessa kisses her way down Brooke’s body again, this time slowly, not teasingly but instead with devotion, her lips carrying admiration for every inch of skin they land on. Apparently, the message gets across, because Brooke seems to relax more with every kiss, her body melting into the mattress, sighing softly every time Vanessa’s mouth touches her skin.

“You ready, angel?” Vanessa pushes Brooke’s cheeks together, kneading them gently while she checks in, and Brooke nods.

“Please, mommy.” Brooke begs quietly, and Vanessa smiles, leaving one last kiss on the peak of Brooke’s tailbone before finally spreading her cheeks apart. She takes her time, licking around Brooke’s hole with short strokes, just the tip of her tongue, to find out what makes Brooke tick. She finds quickly that Brooke likes when Vanessa licks closer to Brooke’s entrance, honing in on one spot temporarily just to put her on edge. She shifts her position, brushes against Brooke’s perineum with the tips of her fingers, and Brooke goes rigid, lets out a sinful moan.

“Please, oh fuck, please, Ness, keep doing that.” Brooke trembles as Vanessa repeats the motion, timing it with a broad stroke of her tongue up Brooke’s crack. So she does, over and over, alternating with swirls around Brooke’s holes and little short darts into it, until Brooke is babbling and whimpering, a moaning mess underneath her that just can’t stay still.

“Come on, baby girl, come for me, I know you can do it.” Vanessa growls, continuing her ministrations. “Let me see you come for mommy, wanna see you lookin’ so pretty and fucked out for me…”

It’s as if the words are exactly what Brooke needed to tip her over the edge; without so much as a moment passing after the words leave Vanessa’s lips, Brooke goes rigid again, her cries cut off into a silent scream that ends with a final fuck before she relaxes again, panting and spent.

“Shit.” Brooke laughs breathlessly as Vanessa comes up from her place at the foot of the bed to snuggle at Brooke’s side, nestling into her arms. “That was amazing , Ness. Thank you.”

“No problem, baby.” Vanessa feels pride balloon in her chest at the words, but even that is secondary to the feeling of seeing Brooke’s smile, the renewed energy in her eyes even as she lays limp and sated, holding onto Vanessa like some sort of teddy bear.

It’s all she’s wanted, really–all she’s been after. Not just Brooke’s ass, or her body, or the way she walks and steals looks at Vanessa at the office.

Just for Brooke to look at her, really look at her. Smile at her. Thank her for something that isn’t work-related. See her not as Vanessa Mateo from distribution, but as Vanessa herself, as Vanessa wants her to see her.

“Vanessa?” Brooke pipes up again, snapping Vanessa out of her contented daze.

“Hm?”

“I asked if you wanted me to return the favour.” Brooke doesn’t seem to mind Vanessa’s temporary absence; if anything, she seems entertained by it, the shadow of a smile on her face.

But as kind as the offer is, Vanessa just shakes her head. “Nah, baby, I’m good for now. Unless…” she stops, biting her lip as her heart kicks up a bit, squeezing its way into her throat as she contemplates her next move.

It’s a risk–Brooke might very well say no, might very well want to keep their relationship to what it currently is.

But if how they’ve wound up here together is any indication, then it’s worth a shot.

“Unless?” Brooke prompts, and Vanessa takes a deep breath, shoving any doubt out of her mind.

“Maybe you could take me out for a date, and we could see what happens?”

Much to Vanessa’s relief, Brooke doesn’t even skip a beat when she answers, a wide grin spreading across her face.

“I would love nothing more.”